Sloshed In Translation

So I went all lax on keeping the Chantix journal going, and there are reasons for that.  Before I get into the reasons I am going to state that I am no longer going to be so detailed in my writings of this process as I feel that it’s a bit of a waste of time going through every single solitary thing that happened throughout the day.  I am just going to give you an overview of what I feel is important to me at the time of me writing and make note of specific things I feel are relevant to this entire process… with that being said!  Moving on to… day… I think, seven?  I honestly can’t remember right now.

Today is the first full day without cigarettes… and I can really understand why people become unstable and suicidal while taking Chantix.  First I will speak to the instability due to the dreams, as well as the dreams seeming to continue upon waking; Continue Reading…

Well today marks day three of Chantix, and doing pretty well so far, I am currently in good spirits, feeling normal physically as well as mentally, no real complaints at the time of my writing this. In the same vein of the last update I am going to begin with around mid day yesterday, specifically after leaving work. As I said in my last update, while at work yesterday I was “Hippity The Happy Fucking Squirrel” and extraordinarily productive… that changed during my drive home, drastically I might add.  Continue Reading…

Seeing as I have only been on Chantix for a little over 24 hours, I am writing this from the stand point that I assume any and all side effects/feelings of change in my mental and physical state are purely psychosomatic.  The reasoning for this is that having experience in multiple mind altering drugs both legal, and illegal, I don’t personally believe that a legal pharmaceutical would be released with such a potency without having a required mental stability evaluation performed before the first dose.  With that being said, I would like to start this journal out with last night starting at approximately 9:00PM, 9 hours after taking Chantix.  Another aspect to take in to account during this whole process of quitting smoking is that; Continue Reading…

So for various reasons I have decided to finally quit with the cancer sticks. ( For the 6^th time )  I also finally admitted to myself that I can’t “just quit”.  Hell, have you seen me with a bottle of wine?  I down that shit in minutes.  SO! I am giving Chantix a test run.  Just popped my first pill actually.  I then did what every idiot on the planet does and ran to Google to find the worst case scenarios of when the drug “goes bad”… and fuck me running, can it go bad.  The laundry list of side effects is something akin to the days when I was on acid binders for weekends at a time, some even result in suicide.  So I figure hey, let’s make this little life experience interesting shall we?  Every day I will be posting my experiences with the smoking aid so that you can follow my amazing recovery from smoking, or my untimely death.

Either way, should be a hell of a time.

( I of course am not going to start describing the effects right now, as I just took the pill…. Unless my nuts itching happens to be a side effect… )

Relationships are an arduous and difficult journey that takes a rocket scientist to understand let alone deal with. Wait, never mind, no they aren’t… you’re just too fucking stupid to make decisions that could be considered mildly intelligent. ( Yes as I write this I am being 100% hypocritical as I am guilty of just about every major point that follows, the difference is, I’m awesome, you’re not… so it’s ok. ) So allow me to present “Lucid’s slightly less than sober cliffs notes on how to not be a door knob humping retard in your love life”. ( Working Title… of course. )  Continue Reading…

In the same vein of my last post this morning, the predictability of human stupidity has once again reared its grade school dropout head.  This of course being Strigiform, the overly sensitive vegan tranny anarchist.  In an attempt to not bore you with the details please refer to the recent article I wrote about her inane ramblings about racism, sexism, and other derptitudes that have passed so far into insignificance I care not to bother bringing up… again.  Mail Call Bitches! Continue Reading…

The formula for annoyance is fairly simple when you really take a step back and look at it… it just depends on your “mark”.  Considering the internet is over flowing with vapid non-factors you can essentially throw a stone in any direction and smack crowds of easily angered and equally unintelligent people.  For the purpose of putting “how I find my marks” in simple terms; Continue Reading…

The formula for this site is fairly simple when you think about it.  I find someone or something to make fun of, people agree or disagree, drama ensues, and then I drink and laugh.  Not exactly rocket science.  That being said I do so love when a plan comes together.  As you may have read in my last little article there was some non-factor chick bitching about racism… or sexism, something… I don’t really remember the details due to my memory being about the length of your average gold fish on Oxycodon, which I of course made fun of ( like I do ).  So naturally one of her non-factor friends decided to comment here… but not just ANY comment… no no no!  A comment worthy of its own little immortal place here among the wall of failures I present on a… uh, wheneverly basis.  Meet Strigiform’s Girlfriend; Dykonoclast! Continue Reading…

I love the world some times ( rarely ), especially when it pulls me out of a lull of the literary genius that I happen to be. That’s right, I’m a genius, it’s a matter of fact and it would behoove the likes of you to accept it, and bask on the awesome alcohol driven glow that is me… I swear, it’s not vodka sweat. Well…. Maybe a little. Anyways, onward to mediocrity!

It seems that as the days grow on and I step closer and closer to liver failure and a shallow grave, people are becoming more and more sensitive to situations that not only don’t exist, but or are psychotically off the wall they are a stone’s throw from wearing foil on their head and screaming something about “thought stealing head lice” on the corner of “Methadone Street” in “Crack Head City” USA. ( Yay run on sentences! ) In this case the sensitivity would be base around racismsexismwhitesupremecyhomophobiatittesTittiesTITTIES! Wait… lost my point there at the end didn’t I? Shit, I think that makes me Sexist. Ah well, I do love the boobs… anywho. Let’s meet “Strigiform”

Continue Reading…